Ghostly Memory. The girl with the voice of 100 trains.

It was around 2004-2005 time frame, I recently moved in with my real father for a short period. I was in middle school and had a newly found girlfriend, we were dating about two weeks at the time so it was getting pretty serious you could say. I was raised in the south (Georgia) and down there you see many old Victorian houses with the wrap porches. Well my father’s house was a mixture of Victorian exterior with the “shotgun” interior. Front door straight to the back door with rooms on each side.

I was laying on the couch in the front left room facing the window, laying some of the sweetest lines I’ve ever heard to my girlfriend. I intensely freeze with fear as I watched a women with black hair and an old style gown laid on top thin shoulder that could cut ice. I wouldn’t use the word “walked” but she more glided from the front of the house around to the side. I was hoping she’d disappear as there one the corner of the house than the windows continued around the house but she didn’t. I was so scared that I could feel my feet starting to burn and tingle.

I believe that was my body was of saying get up and run but my brain locked up and my eyes were the only thing functional at this point. Just as quickly as I heard the door across the hall open I was out in the hallway hoping it was my father looking for me. Not the case, I caught a glimpse of the tail end of a milky white gown slip into the formal dining room as the door seems to close. I could feel the sweat in my lower back at this point but I had to follow, Now there was a door connecting the dining room to the kitchen. As I opened the door to the dining room fully expecting to see something….nothing.

I made my way into the kitchen and there she was the women that I had followed for the last ten second standing on top of the island my dad had installed recently. I can not even begin to describe the terror and adrenaline running through me, I could instantly hear my own heartbeat in my ears. The “fight or flight” action in my body was ripped out and mashed into pieces. We had one of the racks that hold the pots and pans above your head and that’s what this lady was shaking so hard it sounds like four trains were on each side of my head. The tunnel vision was kicking in at this point and I thought I was going to pass out from fear but my father had heard the noise and was shaking my shoulders to knock away the debilitating hold this thing had over me.

Fast forward to 2011, my father sold the house and I kept thinking about that night. I did some research and found out that the building that was there before the house was an old railroad administration building on that section of the land and had caught fire. The girl who worked there during the summer had been found burned to death trying to climb out of the small vent in the roof but it was locked from the top. So maybe that’s why I felt trains around my head or the tunnel vision but I’ll never forget that night and I still can’t be too close to a train station.

“New Year, New Me” bullshit, let’s stop saying that.

Well folks, our timelines, news feeds, and every conversation is plagued by the “New Year, New Me” line. Let’s stop saying it, let’s stop encouraging it, and let us start making it happen. Often times, we find ourselves keeping those New Year hopes, dreams and habits for the better part of January. Than we burn out like the lit cigarette of some guy named Mark who keeps spilling his Jameson and pickle juice on your sleeve outside the bar.


Step one: Pour shot of Jameson

Step two: Pour shot of pickle juice

Step three: Drink Jameson

Step four: Drink pickle juice

Step five: Realize it’s not as bad as it sounds

(You can also attempt a near black out and have six of these Jagerbomb style

although not recommended.)


Why do we not keep those promises and newly formed habits alive long enough to get some sort of benefit? Why is it so hard to keep going to the gym? Why did I have that drink after nine days of not drinking? Why didn’t I just throw the trash away instead of throwing it on my floor board of my car? All these different types of why’s but we still seem to never find the answer.

Some traditional New Year’s resolutions include:

“I’m going to quit smoking.”

“I am going to start going to the gym every day.”

“I am going to start calling my mom/dad more.”

“I am going to travel more.”

You’ve most likely heard that is takes 21 days to create a new habit but as Jonathan Miltimore of “Foundation for Economic Education” wrote “Clearly, good habits don’t come easily. In the beginning, they take conscious effort and discipline. But it can be done.” We need to take the fundamental steps to set ourselves up for success and not to expect these habits to form from a week of commitment.

I understand everyone has their own lives and “busy” schedules but we make time for Facebook, Instagram, or insert social media here. In my opinion, we make excuses for the tasks we don’t want to complete or the grass we don’t want to cut well that’s horse shit. You need to make deliberate action in your day to create that new habits or break the old ones. In my personnel life, I was spending an ungodly amount of time of Facebook, it was consuming my life. The bad news of others was so fucking depressing I thought parts of my own life were just as bad little did I realize the mental confines of that 5.5 inch screen.

Take a in depth look at your life right now, write down three faults, flaws or habits you don’t like about yourself and create the circumstances for you to improve them. I know what you’re thinking, “I wonder what’s wrong with this guy and his bad habits.” Well I’ll share my lists with you and the actions I have taken or are currently using.

1. I’m spending too much time of social media

(I have logged out and deleted the apps off my phone, I kept the accounts

because I’m going to reward myself with 20 mins or so at the end of the


2. I’m not living as healthy as I should.

(I’ve started less portions during meals, and started working out a bit

more. I am not out of shape but Christmas cookies hit hard.

  3. I do not call my family members enough.                                                                 (Once a day, I will call or send a text saying something nice or let them                know I’m thinking about them.)

You don’t need to change the world or be Mr./Mrs. Universe to feel good about yourself, start small. Call someone you love, put down the phone pick up a pencil and draw or read the first five pages of a book. Think of it this way, you don’t make it to the top of a lighthouse by jumping up 10 flights of stairs. You’re forced to take it one step at a time, use that method in life and stop trying to climb a mountain with flips flops.